Understanding
by whispers of the night
Summary: There are many things that Gary Oak understands. Has some Eldershipping, but that doesn't mean I approve of it!


Understanding

_**Understanding**_

There are many things Gary Oak understands.

First among them, is that Ash is his superior in many ways.

Many people say Ash is like a fire. He has an energetic nature, fueled by his vast intakes of food. He can stay up all night and wake up bright and bubbly in the morning. All you need to do is whisper, "Gym Battle" into his ear. He's up like a shot and running out the door as soon as he's managed to pull on his clothes. Sometimes before he can pull on his clothes.

He should know. He's been friends with Ash for years. Used to be, at least.

Ash never gives up. Even if all the odds are against him, even if it seems like a dead end, he refuses to admit he is defeated. He shows others there's no end to how strong faith can be.

Not only is he a great trainer, he's fantastic with Pokemon too. They'd do anything for him. Even if it means getting hurt. Even if it means dying.

But the main reason why Ash is better than him is this: Because Ash is…well, he's Ash. Ash is the sort of person that can make you smile after a horrible day. You can open up to him, tell him things that you don't tell anyone else. You can trust him to help you all he can even if he barely knows you. You can trust him to believe in you even when you can't believe in yourself.

Ash gives you hope. No. He teaches you to hope. He teaches you to hope so that you can hope without others giving it to you. Hope is something you give yourself.

And so, Gary understands.

Another thing he understands is why everyone likes Ash so much better than they do him.

He knows that he acts like a snobby jerk, that his special talent is looking down on people and rubbing salt into hurting wounds.

He can't expect people to see the reason behind the way he is. How would they know he does it so they won't see the scared boy hiding behind the mask? How would they know that he hates who he is, who he's forced himself to become? How would they know about the person tucked so carefully away inside him along with all his dreams, screaming to get out?

He knows he himself would never have been able to see that, had it not been him. He can't expect something from others that he can't expect from himself.

Gary understands.

He also understands why his grandfather loves his rival's mother.

He sees the secret glances, the fleeting smiles, the dreamy look on his grandpa's face. He knows that it is wrong, it is wrong to care for someone so much younger than you.

He hates it. He is filled with utter revulsion at the thought that his arch rival, his former friend, will be his uncle one day. He wouldn't be able to stand it.

But, he accepts it. He hates it, but he accepts it.

Love is something you can't control.

That, perhaps, is one of the things Gary understands the most.

Yet one more thing he understands is why his grandpa likes Ash better than he does him.

It's a no-brainer, really. Who's more successful? Who has all the adventures? Ash does.

No matter what, Ash will always be a step ahead of him. Not just a step, a couple of steps.

Even when he finally managed to let his dreams out, to become the person he really wanted to be, he knows his grandfather isn't happy.

With all his experience, Samuel Oak knew that becoming a researcher wasn't easy. Being a researcher wasn't just about researching. There was no career in the world that was just truly that career.

To be a researcher, you needed funds, a laboratory, a mentor. To gain fame, you needed to enter competitions, show off your work, get noticed. To be successful, you needed to rise above thousands competing to be the top researcher. It might be years before you even got a tiny article in the newspaper.

In the great Professor Oak's eyes, his grandson had already proven he didn't have the potential to be the cream of the crop.

He might pretend to be delighted. After all, everyone expects him to be. His grandson was following in his footsteps after all.

Gary knows better. He knows that his grandfather can't see that he is finally following his dream. All he sees is a stupid, cowardly boy trying to wriggle out of a rivalry he is sure to lose, a profession at which he cannot win. All he sees is a failure.

He won't pretend it doesn't hurt him, but Gary understands.

Finally, he understands why he and Ash aren't friends anymore, no matter how much they struggle to be just that.

Ever since they were little, ever since Ash and his mother came to Pallet Town, they have been friends.

They had arrived alone. Professor Oak, who made a point of greeting newcomers, had gone over to say hi. Gary, of course, had been dragged along.

He had looked at Ash shyly, quietly. It might amaze others to know this, but he had been a quiet, mouse-like child. It might amaze others now, but it didn't amaze the others who knew him then. It is hard for a kid who loses his sister, his mother and his father all at once to be cheerful.

The minute their eyes locked, he had seen the pain, the confusion at what had happened in Ash's eyes. And in that split second, he knew. He had pushed his favourite cuddly toy into Ash's arms.

He knew he would miss Umby at night, when he remembered his sister's warm, loving arms encircle him the night she had given it to him. He knew that from now on, he would have to cry himself to sleep alone.

But, seeing the smile that had lit up Ash's face as he gazed at the toy, it had been worth it. Worth it that he had finally found another who had lost a loved one, another whose sad eyes mirrored his own.

Several years later, they had come back from playing in the nearby woods when they saw a strange, young man leaving his grandpa's house.

His grandfather had told him and Ash that the man was a renowned trainer, famous all across the world. He remembered the conversation like it was yesterday.

"_He trains Pokemon and uses 'em in battles?" Ash asked, his whole face aglow._

"_Well, yes," his grandpa laughs, bemused. Gary shifts in his seat, bored. He has never been interested in battling._

"_All righty, then!" his energetic friend yells, jumping up. He turns to look at him, surprised. _

_Ash takes a deep breath and shouts "I'm going to do that when I grow up and I'll be the best Pokemon masther…mashter…" Gary is tempted to grin at Ash's stuttering. He has never been good with long words. "Master there ever was!" he finishes triumphantly._

"_Right, Gary?"_

_He manages to sound enthusiastic about it, for Ash's sake. _

"_Sure, Ash!"_

_The black-eyed boy frowns. "You don't seem reely exited…exvited…excited, Gary!" He jumps up and down, barely able to contain himself. Gary thinks rather sarcastically that Ash was excited enough for both of them._

But, as he always does, he entertains his friend's fantasy, going along with him in fruitless attempts to catch Pokemon. Holding mock battles and poring over long, thick books on Pokemon that Ash needs a dictionary for every few sentences. In the end, he's hooked too. Ash can do that to you.

Together with his best friend, he fantasized what life would be like when they were the greatest Pokemon Masters who ever lived.

It just took a while for him to realize there could only be one greatest Pokemon Master.

When he did, he immediately started to think of ways to soften the blow when the time came for Ash to find out. He had never known why, but he had always thought it his responsibility to look out for his friend.

It didn't take him long to come to the conclusion. Separate himself from Ash, get Ash to hate him, then Ash wouldn't care that there could only be one greatest Pokemon Master. He would detest Gary too much to care.

It worked, as he had known it would. He just hadn't counted on how much it would hurt.

Gary understands why they can't be friends again. Ash still can't forgive him, can't bring himself to believe that Gary won't betray him yet again, turn away from him, take their friendship and break it and throw it into the trash. Ash can't bring himself to trust him.

As for Gary, he can't forgive Ash. He can't let himself believe that if it comes to that, if it comes to the point where he has to hurt Ash to protect him, that Ash will be able to see past his deception, to what is in his heart. Gary can't bring himself to trust him.

And that is why Gary understands.

There are many things Gary Oak understands, but what he can't understand is why he has to understand them, why there ever was a need for him to understand in the first place.

He can't understand why people can't understand that he is not Ash, that he'll never be Ash. He can't understand why no one understands him, why they can't bring themselves to look just that little bit deeper too see who he truly is.

There are many things Gary Oak understands.

It doesn't mean that he wants to.


End file.
